Someone recently commented that my husband and my dogs are my “whole world.” I was a little taken aback to hear someone say this, to know this is how they see me, as I see my world as so much more than that. I’m not defined by these things alone. There is more to me. I asked my husband about it and he said that my world was “a bit myopic.”
Now, if you don’t know what myopic means, it means nearsighted, laking imagination and is synonymous with words like, uncreative, unadventurous and narrow minded.
He went on to say this, “…but that’s okay because you have learned the world is a cruel place.”
Really? Come on!
Now, anyone who knows me or regularly reads my blog, knows that I love my husband dearly but this hurts. It stings like a slap in the face. And to hear someone tell me that my dogs and my husband are my “whole world” and that my world is shortsighted back to back feels like a body blow.
The hurt was so great that I actually had trouble sleeping last night. I felt physical pain from being told that my world is basically pathetic, that my husband sees me this way. Maybe I was being too short sighted to notice.
But, I don’t see it that way. I don’t see my life as insignificant. I don’t see my world as pedestrian. I love my life. I love my life more now than I ever have and that’s despite this lousy disease or maybe even because of it.
What I know is that I spend a lot of time at home. I do this because my sarcoidosis wears me out. I do this because I can’t breath with ease. I do this because my legs are weak and my body is uncooperative. I do this because I want to conserve what energy I have for my husband and my dogs…my family…such as it is. If that means I am short sighted or lacking in adventure, then so be it. I thought my husband understood why I do what I do and I thought he appreciated it as I do it large part for him, for us.
I could go back to work tomorrow. I could get all wrapped up in a career again, feel sick all the time and hate life just a little bit. But, I don’t want to do that. I never want to do that again. I don’t think that lacks foresight. I think it is actually incredibly intelligent on my part.
There is no escaping my disease and what it has done to my life. I have learned, I thought, to live with it with a modicum of dignity and made positive adjustments for the betterment of my relationship and our happiness. Am I wrong?
I am not at all unrealistic that my life is difficult. I am not at all unrealistic that I cannot do what I used to do but at the same time, I am not going to justify my small little life to anyone, not even my spouse.
My world may look small and perhaps pathetic to some, maybe even to my husband, but to me, despite the challenges, is beautiful…or so I thought.
Sarcoidosis Soldier 
What? You are all the things that are opposite of myopic. You are creative, insightful, and thoughtful. Of course you focus on your dogs. They require a lot of work and care, and they give you so much love in return. It’s no different than people who focus on their kids. They are a big part of your life, but not your whole life. It’s really good that you have them because you are a caretaker and need someone to care for, other than your husband. The dogs fill the role nicely.
From what I know of you, you always throw yourself 110% into whatever you’re doing. You did when you were working, and it’s only natural that you would do that with your life now. You are just being who you are by making a fuss over your dogs and your husband. They are your primary focus right now, and there is nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t make you boring or any less interesting. It makes you human and endearing.
I think your husband worries about what will happen when Zoey dies, or God forbid anything happens to him. We won’t think about the latter because that’s not going to happen. It will one day with Zoey though, and it will be devastating for you. It wouldn’t, however, be any less devastating if you were working or being farsighted or whatever. Your husband needs to remember you are amazingly strong. You show how strong you are each and every day by how you handle your illness with such grace. You will handle it when you are faced with it.
In the meantime, please know that you and your dogs have lots of fans. I happen to think you are awesome just the way you are!!!
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Thanks Betty. You pretty much nailed my personality in what you said about me in terms of putting 110% of myself into whatever I am doing. And I am very focused on Zoey right now…someone needs to be because she needs the extra support…just like all old folks do! I feel blessed that I can actually be home with her during this part of her life! I was angry when i wrote this post. Frankly, I’m still a bit mystified. My husband is a wonderful man, perhaps the best that I know. I’m not sure what made hime say that. I want to think that he was just having a bad day. It happens to the best of us. Writing about it helped me put the hurt behind me. Thanks for always being there and for being a fan of me and the girls…right back at you my friend!
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I don’t think your husband meant to criticize you; so I think that he just chose a poor word without thinking about the negative connotations of myopic. I think it was just his way of saying you were focused on specific things, such as Zoey’s health. That’s just a statement of fact and is actually very admirable. Take care friend. You do have a beautiful life!!
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Thanks Betty. You’re right. He didn’t. I read the post when I told him about it. He rarely reads my blog. He said he didn’t mean anything hurtful. I knew that he didn’t. He’s a great guy…but it did sting a little…what can I say! LOL!
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Sometimes a friend or someone we love says something that brings us up short. I agree with BettyJK that your husband chose the wrong word. Despite the sarc and the worry about Zoey, you are spirited, lively, full of life, passionate and write a stimulating, thought provoking blog. Thank you.
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I am a big fan of your huge life!
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Thank you A!
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