Grudges Hold No Glory

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I’m not a grudge holder…I don’t expect apologies that I deserve but will never get.

I’m not a grudge holder…I try to see the other person’s point of view.

I’m not a grudge holder…I understand there is often more to the story.

I’m not a grudge holder…I find forgiveness brings me peace and serenity.

I’m not a grudge holder…I know that we all make mistakes.

I’m not a grudge holder…I allow people to be who they are.

I’m not a grudge holder…I respect my relationships enough to say I’m sorry when I am wrong and sometimes when I’m not.

I’m not a grudge holder…I don’t want to live with unresolved and unnecessary anger.

I’m not a grudge holder…I am patient with those who need to punish me because of their own unhappiness.

I’m not a grudge holder…I seek to understand the facts rather than focus on the emotion.

I’m not a grudge holder…I understand the power of letting go actually improves relationships.

I’m not a grudge holder…I turn the other check even as those with a grudge pound me.

I’m not a grudge holder…I don’t compare myself to others.

I’m not a grudge holder…I appreciate that life is fleeting and time is short.

I’m not a grudge holder…I want to live with a loving and accepting heart.

I’m not a grudge holder…I choose to be happy.

 

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Like A Yo-Yo

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Having sarcoidosis is a lot like living as if I were a beginner at using a yo-yo…

Up…good energy, minimal pain

Down…massive fatigue, fevers

Up…breathing easy

Down…where’s my inhaler?

Up…getting lots done, feeling accomplished

Down…getting out of bed is an achievement

Up…feeling present in the moment

Down…lacking confidence in what the future holds

Up…laughing

Down…crying

Up…clear headed and quick witted

Down…dull, slow and foggy…

No fancy tricks…just a simple game of ups and downs on a thin little string.

Listen To The Silence

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Much can be heard in silence.  

Silence speaks louder than the common use of every day words. Silence tells the truth. It is blunt, sometimes rude. Yet other times, it is the most polite response. Often peaceful but sometimes very tense. Silence challenges the imagination. It forces the senses to figure out its meaning. Silence is its own kind of beauty, full of presence and grace. Silence holds more power than any spoken thought.  

It is wise be silent. 

A gift, not given nearly enough. 

Random Thoughts About Life

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Speak your truth but know when to be quiet

Sing as much as possible even if off key

Laugh…a lot

Cherish good memories

Appreciate the dawn for it means a new day is rising

Remember to be kind first and then always

Regret nothing unless it teaches you something

A grateful heart is good for the soul

The truth is always better than a lie

Look up at the stars once and awhile for perspective

Know yourself well and be comfortable in your skin

Misery is optional so choose joy

Acceptance, Reality, Balance and Determination

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I’ve been thinking a lot about acceptance lately. Finding out that my sarcoidosis is probably also in my bones, was a blow, a big one and I can’t deny it. Perhaps, I should not have been surprised since I do have a more chronic and insidious version of this disease. I do not have the version that when “Googled” makes the disease sound like sunshine and roses. I am not one of the ones who will go into remission in like five minutes or who never even knew they had it because they were asymptomatic. No, I am one of the 20-30% who you don’t hear much about. I am one of the ones with lasting organ damage and an aftermath of realities that come with that. So while maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised, I was.

It has taken me a good month to wrap my mind around the meaning of it. In some ways it doesn’t mean much but in others, it just solidifies that I have this disease in a profound and life altering way and I have to accept it…again! And, this is teaching me new things about acceptance. The thing I am learning about acceptance is that it doesn’t mean I have to give up and that there is a delicate dance that goes on between acceptance and denial, between acceptance and reality and between acceptance and determination. There is a balance among these many things for when we accept a given reality, we also then must learn what cannot be changed about it and what must be changed because of it.

Accepting the realities of my sarcoidosis is a daily struggle but with that struggle comes an opportunity, a choice and every day I make a choice to acknowledge my disease, respect its power in my life, but I also acknowledge that despite its limiting factors, I can rise above it. I can push beyond it and not allow it to consume me…no matter what it might try to do to me. I will not allow accepting the fact that I have this disease to deter me from trying to live my life in the very best way that I can.

In entirely new ways, I am learning that with acceptance comes the need for balance, to examine what is, let go of what was, and to push for what still can be. Accepting something is often about letting something go, but sometimes it should be about making room for a new perspective which allows for a renewed determination to keep fighting. I can’t change that I have this disease. I can’t change certain things this disease has done to me and to my life, but I can always decide to live to fight another day. I can always decide to focus on what I have instead of what I lost. I can always decide to balance reality and acceptance still remain determined to not just survive but to thrive.

Keep Your Garden Clear Of Weeds!

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I’ve recently heard a couple of comments about how we attract the energy we put out. I’m not so sure this is always the case. I think there are just a lot of unhappy people all around us all the time, people who make hating a hobby, and it isn’t so much about the energy that we put out as it is about how many people are just plain miserable.

Misery is toxic. We might not be the ones who are miserable but when we are subjected to it, it can bleed into us like a leech, sucking all the joy right out of us. I find it so important to guard against those who are chronically discontented. These people are destructive and they seek to spread their lack of satisfaction upon us.

To me, it isn’t so much the energy I “put out” but how I choose to respond to the miserable that matters. I am not obligated to feel these dejected people’s pain and instead I respond to them with kindness and good cheer. This usually kills whatever viral melancholy they aim to spread because chronically negative people, have no idea how to react in the face of the warm glow of peaceful serenity. They usually turn their bitter hard hearted hearts elsewhere and go try to find someone more susceptible to infect.

Life is too precious, too quick and sometimes already hard enough, to spend it wasted on those who want to burden us with their mournful gloom. Misery only loves company so it can scatter like unwanted weeds, seeking to stifle the growth of an otherwise beautiful garden. It’s a destroyer and the people suffering from it the vessel by which it spreads. Whenever these weed like people  pop up in my garden, I pick them as fast as I can because I want to keep my garden growing in the lovely glow of a wonderfully bright and bountiful sunlight.