2014 End Of Year Review

I can’t believe it is the end of 2014 already! Time really does go by in a blink. It was a relatively quiet year for me. Some ups. Some downs. Mostly in-between. The absolute highlight for me was getting our new Old English Sheepdog puppy, Abby. She’s been an absolute joy and has provided a lot of laughter and noise to a relatively quite home. Its been beyond wonderful!

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The lowest part of the year for me has been working through my feelings of worth because my sarcoidosis has taken so much from me. Feeling, at times, directionless has been very hard.

The in-betweens are all the moments in a year that go by with relative normalcy. These are actually precious times because this is when life provides peaceful middle ground. We take these moments for granted when they occur, maybe even find them a little boring, but these moments are packed with quiet gifts so often missed by the business and chaos of the up and the down times. So a year filled with mostly in-between times is actually a pretty good year!

I enjoyed starting my blog. It was far more rewarding than I expected. I learned a lot about myself. I learned a lot about writing. I enjoyed everyone’s feedback and encouragement. I enjoyed reading other blogs and making new friends in the blogging world. You can check out my 2014 annual report below if you want to see how my blog did in its first year. The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys were kind enough to put it together. I really appreciate everyone who took the time to visit my site and I especially want to thank those who took time to comment and “like” my efforts.

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 5,500 times in 2014. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 5 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

I’m not much for making resolutions but I do believe in hope. So I hope 2015 brings stable health, continued happiness, a little direction regarding what is next for me, good ideas for writing and peace for my family and friends.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

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Why Dogs Can Sometimes Be Thought Of As Superior To Humans

This may be somewhat repetitious because I know I have written about my dogs before, but I was watching them the other day and they amazed me. They got into a petty squabble over a toy one minute and the next, they were curled up sleeping side by side. It occurred to me that regardless of some bad habits like sniffing butts, rolling in smelly things and eating rotten stuff, dogs seem to know something about life that we humans struggle with…

Dogs understand that love is simple.

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Dogs don’t hold grudges.

Dogs live in the moment.

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Dogs have no problem being silly.

Dogs take regular naps.

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Dogs love to play.

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Dogs enjoy exercise.

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Dogs never lose their curiosity.

Dogs understand body language.

Dogs are social by nature.

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Dogs leave the past behind them.

Dogs don’t mind work.

Dogs are loyal.

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Dogs know how to have fun.

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We can learn a lot from the simplicity of a dog’s life!

Invisible

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Once you saw me. Now you don’t.

I don’t know why you make this choice when once you didn’t.

Sometimes I feel like even if I scream at the top of my lungs, I am not heard.

If I bang on the door as hard as I can, it remains unanswered.

Despite wildly waving my arms in the air, I am still unseen.

I am concealed…trapped by an unexplainable wall.

I am hidden from sight…left in baffling silence.

I am invisible…confused by a mysterious distance.

No matter what I do to get your attention, you don’t acknowledge me.

No matter how hard I try to reach you, the gap only grows wider.

No matter what I say, it goes without reply.

I am unnoticed…in this peculiar wordless place.

I am undetected…saddened by this indescribable barrier.

I am invisible…lost in misunderstanding.

You choose not to see me. You choose to ignore me.

I don’t know why.

But in the end, your choice becomes your loss.

If you choose not to see me, you will miss the benefit of my wisdom.

If you choose to keep me invisible, you will miss the joy we could have shared.

If you choose not to acknowledge me, you miss the opportunity to know me.

“If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say…”

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“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” This is some of the best advice my mother ever gave me. And, admittedly, I don’t always follow it as well as I should but I’m working on it.

So, why aren’t we nicer to each other?

I have a few theories:

EGO – I think people sometimes think they need to have the last word in order to feel better about themselves.

INSECURITY – I think people sometimes have a need to give unsolicited advice because of their own lack of confidence.

JEALOUSY – I think people sometimes attempt to give “constructive feedback” when what they are saying is actually quite belittling and they know it.

ARROGANCE – I think people often forget that you can be right or you can be happy but a lot of times you cannot be both.

UNHAPPINESS – I think people are sometimes just disagreeable for sport in an attempt to make others miserable too.

So, the next time I’m inclined to be snide, sarcastic, unpleasant, disagreeable or even hateful, I’ll take a moment to think about what is motivating this behavior and make a better decision.

Awareness

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Brings acceptance…

Changes minds…

Opens hearts…

Ensures freedom…

Mends hurts…

Sharpens focus…

Leads to better living…

Raises consciousness…

Provides purpose…

Offers answers…

Allows for clarity…

Creates harmony…

Encourages creativity…

Yields Peace…

Without awareness we are nothing…

The Two Of Me

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There are two of me, living side by side, inside and out of one another, moving and breathing in lock step, sharing the same mind and body. One of me is of the world, seen by all and mistaken for the picture of health and wellness. The other lives invisibly, in dark sadness, uncertainty and constant discomfort.

I am not crazy. I am not insane. There are two of me. One of us tries to be productive and active and involved in life, while the other, ripe with quiet never ending apprehension, full of unseen aliments, is tucked away, hidden from view.

Lacking obvious impairment, one might think me a fraud. Yet there are most definitely two of me. On a good day, maybe even I fool myself. I look fine. I grocery shop. I walk the dogs. I make dinner. I clean the house. I exercise. But, there are two of me, because while I do all of these things and try to do them with a smile on my face, the other me hurts. The other me silently cries as physical pain from achy joints and tired bones, cramping muscles and, shortness of breath rip through me like a freight train in a silent movie. There are no tears from the pain, no outward sign of physical distress. These maladies are just part of me, silently living inside of me, you don’t see them. They are the other me.

I have learned to compensate for the two of me. I have learned to integrate both of us so that I can function in the world to the best of my ability. There are two of me. One you see and the other you don’t. I have learned where to expend my limited energy. I have learned that the brave face I wear, is best worn for myself, and not for the benefit of other people. I have learned to look my best in order to fight an ever creeping temptation to give in. I have learned not be distracted by physical pain.

There are two of me, intertwined like conjoined twins, but one of us is invisible, unseen and often mistaken for an imposter.

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