I’m deeply grateful to the readers of my blog who have recently reached out to me, asking if I’m okay and where I have been. It’s nice to be missed and that my writing is appreciated. I’ve not been away for bad reasons. I’m okay, still fighting the daily ups and downs of this terrible disease, sarcoidosis…but I’m okay.
Taking a bit of time away wasn’t something I planned, it just sort of happened. I love writing and I have missed it but, I’ve recently found another new avenue to express my creative muscles. For some reason, unknown to even me, I got it in my head that I wanted to learn to draw, to become artistic in a new way. That’s where I’ve been. That’s what I’ve been spending a lot of my time doing. Learning to draw takes me out of myself which is why I think I like it so much, even though I’m not very good at it. Creating art has a way of transporting me to a place far outside myself, giving me a new outlet for escape.
Interestingly enough, art has also been teaching me a lot about life…things I probably already knew but forgot or things I needed to be reminded of and even some new things about the importance of patience and time. So, since this is what I’ve been up to and readers have wondered where I’ve been, I thought I’d share some of things I am learning through art because they also apply to life in general and certainly to life with a chronic illness.
Enjoy the journey – This is one lesson that isn’t entirely new to me but it is a lesson that comes up as a theme in my life over and over again. Apparently, I am not a patient person. I have found with art that the process of creation is just as important, if not more so, than the finished product. I have also found that I tend to rush the process and that every time I do, the result is never as good as it is when I take my time and try to enjoy creating something. Joy comes when we are aware of our surroundings and embrace what is, instead of what was or what will be. The same is true when you are creating a new piece of art. When I am paying attention to each stroke of the pencil instead of focusing on the outcome, I make less mistakes, I actually have fun and the creative juices start to flow. This is a real life lesson. Living in the present, the here and right now, makes it easier to appreciate otherwise mundane moments and opens my heart in gratefulness for the life that I have now even if sarcoidosis had turned into a life I never planned on.
Problem Solving – This is something I am usually pretty good at but with art, it has been a struggle. Sketching is a new skill and I use the term “skill” loosely here as it applies to my artistic abilities but, there are times when you are creating something that you have to stop and think, at least that’s the case for me. Sometimes my brain doesn’t cooperate with my hand. I have a vision for how I want the drawing to look but dexterity betrays me. This is when I have to stop, take a step back and think about how to approach the drawing differently so that I can turn my vision into a real creation. Living my life with a chronic illness is much the same. There are times my body won’t do what my brain wants and yet, I still have to live my life and figure out how to function. Learning to draw has been a good reminder that there is always another way to figure how achieve my goals and accomplish what I set out to do.
Mistakes can be a good thing – If you’re like me, you hate making mistakes. I’ve actually never heard anyone say they like them. Some people are more patient with themselves and others when mistakes occur but I’m not one of those people. I am more patient with other people’s mistakes than I am with my own but generally speaking, this is an area of my life that needs improvement. I was taking an art tutorial online the other day and the instructor said, “Mistakes are important in art because every mistake teaches you something new about your craft and your process.” I paused the tutorial and write that one down. I’ve always understood mistakes teach us things, how not to be, but it never dawned on me that they also teach us how we want to be. Without the benefit of trial and error, we don’t learn. Brain fog and fatigue alone are enough to make me forget stuff and that puts me in a position to make plenty of mistakes. I now see mistakes differently. When my disease makes me do stupid things because of pain or shortness or breath, I will simply try to embrace them, understand them and instead of beating myself up, I will strive to do things differently. Mistakes are opportunities for personal growth.
There is no such thing as bad art – If you like what you are creating, then it’s worthwhile. This is something art is teaching me that’s fairly new in my thinking and also applies to my life now that I live with a chronic illness. It is said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and art is meant to be beautiful. What is beautiful to one person may not be to another. That’s okay. So, as long as I like what I am creating, it is meaningful because it is effort well spent. My life with sarcoidosis has changed in ways I never could have imagined and I have struggled to find meaning in it since I left my career and became a stay at home “dog mom.” I was defined by my career in ways that were woven into me. All that changed when my body and my brain decided it had other plans for me, plans I did not agree to. So, I’ve had to create a new life for myself and it is a constant battle for me to accept this change but, art has given me a new outlook. I am creating something new in life and, so long as I can find things about each day that are worthwhile, I can be happy with what I am creating, despite all of the things sarcoidosis has stolen from me. There is no such thing as a bad life, so long as it is lived with gratitude, peace and a little creative thinking.
So my dear readers, this is where I’ve been and this is what I’ve been up to. I’m sorry that I was away so long. I guess I needed a break that even I didn’t know I needed. I needed to do something new and challenge myself differently so that I could broaden my thinking about what this life with sarcoidosis is all about and, how it impacts every part of who I am and what I do. It always will, it’s like a constant companion now, one I have had to learn to live with even though I haven’t wanted to. Thanks to my new artistic endeavors though, I have learned more about myself and how to cope with life in a body that has a mind of its own. I hope my “art lessons” have been as helpful to you as they have been to me and I’m sure I’ll be back with more of them as this new chapter in my life unfolds.