If there is something chronic disease has taught me over the years, it is that happiness is a choice. Sure, that might sound “cheesy” but it’s not, far from it, in fact. Learning to be happy in the face of constant pain and an uncertain future, learning to be happy when you have been forced to make yourself financially dependent on family, learning to be happy when every breath of air is a struggle, learning to live in constant fear, learning to let go of your career…is not easy. It’s a skill.
Recently someone else with sarcoidosis had a very powerful and alarmingly negative reaction to my suggestion that when we are stressed, it’s a good to “step back, inhale and laugh.” That when we are stressed we should remember that we are never given more than we can handle. She said, “I have lived with a positive attitude, glass is full of golden apple juice, jada jada. It is just more serious than a bunch of platitudes. Coping skills are built with time and character, not a bunch of cheesy sayings.” Being reminded to step back from stress is not “cheesy” and it is not a “platitude.” Remembering to step back during stressful times, in difficult situations and have a bit of a sense of humor, is in fact, a coping skill and a good one. It’s also one that takes time to develop and it is one of many ways to build character.
Whenever I am taunted by someone for being generally happy or for trying to face my problems with a positive attitude, I find it sad. I feel pity for people who choose to be victims. I have been accused of being a pollyanna when it comes to this disease. This is not true. There are no reasons that I can think to be “excessively happy” about life with chronic sarcoidosis and, this disease has taken plenty from me, just as it has anyone else who lives with it. I simply refuse to dwell. I also use my finely tuned, well developed coping skills to find answers to my problems, and perhaps most importantly, I don’t judges others for where they might be in this horrible journey we are all forced to travel.
Give anyone with this disease a chance to tell their story and you’ll be in tears in no time. This disease is a thief. It robs us all of physical comfort, emotional stability, financial security and quality of life. Not a single person with chronic sarcoidosis goes unscathed. We are all scarred. Our scars might be different but none of us escapes its wrath. So, when someone gets pissed off at me for sharing how I cope with stress, for believing that I can handle what this disease throws at me, for having enough faith to know that this is true, for using good humor in difficult times, for knowing that when I change my perspective, it changes everything, I can’t help but be taken aback. It means I am being judged by someone else who is suffering a similar fate.
It is pathetic to be judged by a fellow soldier in the fight against the trials of life with sarcoidosis but, it happens and, it has happened to me more than once. I’ve been told that I don’t know true suffering because I am not completely alone with this disease. I have been told that I don’t know true suffering because I don’t struggle financially because of this disease. These are judgements people have made of me, without facts. These are judgements people have no right to make and yet…
People also don’t really have the right to judge how I choose to look at my life since getting sick with sarcoidosis but some do and, some do so with an angry heart. I have scars. I have simply learned to live with them. I have pain but I have learned to cope with it. I struggle just like everyone else but, I have learned to make happiness a priority in my life and, I actually have this disease to thank for that. I make it a practice to be grateful, just like brushing my teeth every day, regular exercise and eating healthy. I know what my scars are and I know what they have done to me and what they teach me. I’ve learned to cope and by learning to cope, I’ve learned to be happy.