23 Strange New Habits…

I’ve developed some new habits since my sarcoidosis diagnosis, maybe others with chronic illness have too….I don’t know. I do know these habits, for better or worse help me cope. Here they are, in no particular order:

1. I put a blanket on my lap even when it is 80 degrees outside. I’m usually cold or at least chilled all the time now.
2. I can’t be outside anymore without sunglasses, even on dark days. My eyes are now incredibly sensitive to light.
3. I keep my house very clean. Not that I was a slob before my sarcoidosis, but now that I spend so much time at home, I find having a very orderly house gives me a feeling of control.
4. I’ve become more of a loner. I’m still a people person but being alone a lot now, I’ve learned to really enjoy my own company. When I am alone, I don’t have to pretend I feel better than I do. There is an ease and relief now in being on my own.
5. I read a lot more. I’ve always loved to read but before my diagnosis, I didn’t have a lot of time for it. Now that I don’t work, I find great comfort, good company and wonderful escape in reading.
6. I developed a habit for writing. I’m shocked that I started this blog and share all my “dirty laundry” but, writing is a release and it does help keep my mind active and my feelings sorted out.
7. I keep a daily gratitude list. I’ve always been a grateful person but there is something about losing your health that changes your outlook. You can either decide to appreciate life all the more, especially the little things or, you can feel tremendous self pity. I’d rather be grateful. I am purposely grateful now in a way I wasn’t before being diagnosed with sarcoidosis.
8. I take a lot more photographs. I find having visual memories to look at of happy and beautiful things, especially on bad days, helps my mood. I also enjoy photography as a hobby. Having hobbies you can manage is really important when you’re chronically ill. It provides a continued sense of self which could otherwise be lost.
9. I enjoy watching reruns of old Law and Order episodes. There’s something about the predictable structure of that show that brings me comfort.
10. I have conversations with my dog. My husband thinks I am becoming a crazy dog lady but my dog is my best friend. She never judges me and is always ready to provide comfort or distraction.
11. I spend more time on the internet now. I do this for a few reasons. One is my blog but, I also help administrate two sarcoidosis support groups online. I am also an admin on Facebook for an Old English Sheepdog group…surprise, surprise! I’ve actually met some truly fantastic people through the internet. I consider a few of them very good friends.
12. I enjoy cooking now. Sometimes I have to use a stool because my legs get too weak to stand for long periods, especially at the end of the day, but I love being in the kitchen these days. It’s not just a means to an end,  cooking has become a joy….probably because I have time to put some effort into it since I no longer work. My husband likes this new habit!
13. I experience anxiety before we travel for big trips. I never used to have this problem but, now when you take me out of the safety of my home and my routine, I never know what my body will do and that’s a little freaky. I used to love to travel too but now, it takes me a few days mentally just to prepare for it. The aftermath of a trip is also very hard on my body.
14. I like routine now…a lot!
15. I cry more easily than I used to and I HATE this. UGH! I was never much of a crier before. Now, I might just cry for no reason at all.
16. I don’t judge things I don’t understand anymore. I realize now that I have sarcoidosis, and I am often misunderstood, that there are things I can’t know.
17. I’ve become a morning person. I was never a morning person before my disease. I was much more a night owl. Now, mornings are when I have the most energy and can get the most done. Mornings have become my favorite part of the day because as the day goes on, my pain and fatigue catch up with me.
18. I think less. My mind is not as active but this is probably a good thing because I also worry less.
19. I don’t eat much anymore. While I do love cooking now,  I rarely have a big appetite and a lot of food has a weird metal taste to it. I would forget to eat entirely were it not for the fact that I have to feed my husband.
20. I drink a lot more water. I used to be horrible at staying hydrated. Now, I always have a tumbler of ice water near by.
21. I rub Vicks Vapor Rub on my legs when they ache. It helps take the knots out and eases some of the pain,
22. I can no longer sleep curled up on my right side. Ever since my open lung surgery, my entire right rib cage is messed up and a lot of times I have to take melatonin in order to get a really good restful sleep.
23. I don’t dwell on stupid stuff much anymore. I still have my moments but, mostly the stupid stuff that people say and do says more about them than it does about me and, I know this now in a way I didn’t before my sarcoidosis diagnosis.