ZOEY ISABELLA – RIP – 11/6/02 to 12/22/16
(Preamble: Anyone who knows me or anyone who follows my blog, knows that my dogs are my world. On Thursday December 22nd, I lost my beautiful 14 year old Zoey to a sudden unexpected neurological event. Life is a funny thing…so out of our control. I am sure my blog will be filled with stories about her over the coming months…the things she taught and the joy she brought me. For now though…I grieve. Please bear with me.)
What can be said about grief that hasn’t already been said? That it is the last expression of love we have to give? Or that it is the end of one thing and the beginning of another? In time our memories keep love alive? These are not new ideas. There is nothing new that can be said about grief because grief is universal, an inescapable part of life. We all experience it throughout our lives in a myriad of ways and for countless reasons. Grief is ubiquitous. It is an ever present part of being alive. It is the ultimate consequence for loving unreservedly and is it relentless and unceasing. We learn to make it quiet, to put in the background after a time. It stays with us always though, because grief is the very last part of love. It is the hardest part of love. It is all we have left of what we have lost.
Grief is cumulative. The more we live and the more we are open to love, the more grief invades us, often in the most unexpected ways and at the most unexpected times. Grief plies up and with every new loss, old wounds re-emerge, forcing us to ache all over again, again and again. Grief has its own schedule. We are at its mercy and its mercy is not tender or kind. Grief is the hardest work there is to be done when it comes to the truest of love. If we fail to feel it, to acknowledge its power and purpose, to do what it required of us, we stay stuck in darkness and sorrow.
In the midst of grief it is hard to understand that the pain is meant to bring us to a new understanding of life, that on the other side of grieving there is gratitude. There is peace in the knowledge that grief means we accepted the full value and benefit of real intimacy into our lives. In a weird way, our lives are made richer in grief because it means we made a conscious decision to accept that with our deepest affection comes our greatest sorrows and that we were brave enough to take a chance on love despite the ever present risk of misery and heartache that grief makes known to us at the end of life.
There are no right or wrong ways to grieve. It is as individual as the love we lose to it and just as the love we lost, grief is eternal. It does not really ease with time, it simply changes with it. Every event that stirs grief up in our lives is different. Each situation that creates grief is unique but, the one true thing about grief is that it is essential to our understanding of life. Without grief we cannot know the complete and abiding joy of love and we won’t experience the pure beauty of our purpose. It really is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Life without grief is no life at all.