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1 cup of wicked wheezing

1 TBS of low grade uncomfortable fevers

1 15 oz can of screaming nerve pain

1/2 cup of red or purple skin lesions

3 hacking coughs

2 oz of partical facial paralysis

1 pound of soul crushing fatigue

1 quart of shortness of breath

1/2 cup of night sweats

2 enlarged lymph nodes

4 liters of leg weakness with a dash of cramping

1 poor appetite

3 tsps tortured joint aches

Directions for Preparation: 

Throw all ingredients in a pot, bring to a boil, stirring occasionally. Add some unbearable bone pain, wildly fluctuating body temperatures and terrifying heart palpitations for extra flavor. Serve hot and sprinkle with freshly crushed prednisone or methotrexate.

NOTE: If you don’t have some of the ingredients, feel free experiment, there are endless combinations to this recipe so use your imagination. Try some chest tightness or occasional bouts of depression. If these are not to your liking, you could always try some difficulty sleeping, dry mouth or chronic sinus infections. Poor balance works well too for this particular soup too.