It’s easy to get stuck. I know I get stuck. I get stuck when I get too comfortable and I get stuck sometimes when I am too uncomfortable and don’t know what to do next. I cannot make changes in my life unless I first let the past go. When I don’t let the past go, I relive it. Reliving the past is stagnating. It’s boring. It’s mundane. It’s dull. It’s monotonous.
There is a difference in reviewing the past in order to learn lessons, and reliving it which is to hold on to it. When I hold on to the past, the present is lost and the future is meaningless. I don’t want the present to be lost and the future to be meaningless.
When I was first diagnosed with sarcoidosis, I was stuck for awhile. For awhile, I could not accept it. I was afraid of it. I denied it. I didn’t want it to be part of my life. I knew deep down it was going to change my life but I didn’t want it to because I did not know what to expect.
I had no idea how to rewrite my life. I could not begin to imagine what my life would be like. Over time, I came to understand that I needed to move forward though, no matter what that meant and even before I knew what it meant. My disease taught me that sometimes the best way forward is by a single step even if the path is not clear.
Moving forward does not always have to make sense. I don’t always need a plan. Sometimes the plan makes itself obvious over time but I have learned that it will only do this when I stop living in yesterday.
Life with this disease is not always easy. Having an uncooperative body can be frustrating but in strange and unexpected ways because I took that first step forward, my life is vastly improved because I understand in the deepest and most profound way that life is a fleeting journey and I only want to live today. I want to accept and cherish the past for what it teaches me and look forward to the adventures that still await me.