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lottery ticket

Life with sarcoidosis is not unlike purchasing a lottery ticket. Sometimes you win and sometimes you don’t. Winning means that you have a form of the disease that is mild and remits easily within a relatively short period of time…never to return.

Losing, on the other hand, means a life time of ups and downs from this bizarre illness…a more chronic version of the disease.

I bought a losing ticket.

Right now I’d say that I’m in a bit of an “in-between”. I’m not up. I’m not down. I’ve been better but I’ve also been worse. So long as I take my medication, I hope I can stay in this “in between” place for awhile. My pain is usually manageable. My breathing slowed but not halted. My legs are weak but I am still mobile.

Really, as things go, I’d say that while my disease is chronic, I have at least found medications that keep my symptoms at bay for periods of time. I get glimpses of a normal, or sort of normal life, from time to time.

And when things are not normal, when I have a bad day, I can usually rest my way out of it and start fresh again in a day or two.

Sure, everything is physically harder now but I’ve grown accustom to it. It’s amazing what you can learn to adjust to when you have no other choice. My life may be boring to many. Despite the fact that I do push myself, I am limited in ways I once was not.

I’m okay with that though. I have to be because I won’t let purchasing a losing ticket make me a bitter person. The odds of winning the lottery are generally stacked against us anyway, so what’s the point in being bitter when you don’t win?

If purchasing a losing ticket taught me anything, it’s that I can still be a happy loser because, I decide if I am going to appreciate life and be grateful or sulk and feel sorry for myself.

I decide if I am going to wallow in pity or figure out a new way to enjoy each day.

I decide if I am going to suck it up and accept the pain or moan and groan that I’m not as strong as I used to be.

Generally, I decide to stay positive and when I do, it doesn’t matter what that stupid lottery ticket says because I can still count myself a winner.