Sometimes I think the entire idea of having sarcoidosis is simply ridiculous. It has to be joke. First of all, who the heck has ever heard of such a disease? I mean really! It’s almost like someone made it up and I feel like I am ready for the worst practical joke of my life to be over now!
There are times I just have to shake my head in utter amazement that I have a chronic condition. These things don’t happen to me. I’m not that person. I don’t get sick.
Even after almost four years of fighting bizarre symptoms and a generalized and sometimes debilitating fatigue, I still can’t believe my life has come to this…that my physical self has betrayed me so bitterly. Seriously, this has to be joke, right?
I am ready for the punch line and I really hope it’s not…”You have to take chemo for the rest of your life.” Frankly, that wouldn’t be too funny even for the sickest sense of humor.
Sometimes I look in the mirror after a shower and I see the scars on my side and my back and I ask myself….”Where did those come from?”…knowing full well that these are the battle scars from my lung surgery. Permanent reminders of the war I wage.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not feeling sorry for myself. Everyone has their contests in life. No one is free from the fight even if everyone fights a different battle. I just happen to find mine a bit absurd.
I have an auto immune/inflammatory disease but I can’t breath…
I have an auto immune/inflammatory disease but my legs get weak…
I have an auto immune/inflammatory disease but I cough like I have TB…
Nope…sarcoidosis is no joke!