I had the opportunity last night to talk to two of my cousins. People I grew up with. People I don’t see or talk to every day now that we are grown up and all living in different places but people I love dearly and who know the core of who I am.
I was catching them up on my life now with sarcoidosis and quitting my job and how quiet my life has become. I was lamenting about how I have a constant internal battle now that I am relatively stable, about returning to work. I mentioned that if I didn’t try, if I didn’t take the risk, that I would never know if I could do it.
And one of my cousins said, “But Lisa, your health is a risk”. She went on to say that from what I had just described to her about my life that I have a nice balance now and maybe, just maybe, rocking this boat isn’t worth the risk.
Something about what she said struck me. I have not ever actually though of my current health situation as a risk unto itself. But, she’s right. I do need to be careful. I may be relatively stable now but it has taken a lot of effort to get here. Why would I want to chance it by adding additional stress to my life if I don’t have to.
There aren’t any rewards for taking unnecessary risks.
My health IS a risk. My health is AT risk.I have a rare but serious disease. It always amazes me that despite the fact that on an intellectual level I know this, on a day to today level, I can be in so much denial.
My cousin’s perspective on my current life situation is resonating with me. Her perspective is fresh, through the eyes of someone who knows me very well, but who also doesn’t know me day to day. I needed to hear what she had to say.
My health is a risk. I need to take care of myself – first, foremost and always. No one else is going to do it. I have worked very hard to find the balance that I have in my life now. I am able to finally live my life full of enjoyment and peace despite having a chronic condition.
Maybe now I can finally put away that internal battle.
What a reality check!