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What a romantic notion, soul mates…that there is only one right person out there for you and you have to scour the earth to find him or her.

The other day my husband asked me if I believed in soul mates. Ever a practical man, he does not.

The answer I gave him was this, “I think you can create a soul mate.”

What do I mean by this?

Well, if you find someone you are compatible with, someone you like, someone you enjoy spending time with, someone with whom spending time is easy, then you have all the ingredients to make a soulful match.

When I got engaged to my husband, my mother had one question. She asked me if I liked my husband. Not if I loved him, but if I liked him. When I told her the answer was yes, she said she thought we would have a happy marriage.

Sure, love is important. It is a necessary ingredient for a successful romantic relationship but if you don’t like each other first then the love might just burn out over time because you have no foundation from which to build a lasting coupling.

Such a coupling, requires peace, respect and loyalty and these are found through mutual admiration.

So is there such a thing as soul mates? Perhaps. But it is highly unlikely that there is only one of them out there for you. It’s more likely that you can develop this type of relationship with any number of good matches so long you are willing to make the necessary commitment.

It’s not very romantic I know, but probably far more accurate.

Is my husband my soul mate? I’d say yes. But, I’d also admit that our relationship didn’t start with fireworks and magic. Our love grew quietly over time as we got to know each other. And, as we got to know each other, we realized that we can be quiet together, we can have fun together, we are not afraid to have difficult conversations when necessary, we feel each other’s pain and we finish each other’s sentences.

We have become inter connected because we have made room for each other. We have learned to communicate without words. We generally know what the other is thinking. I don’t just like my husband. I adore him. I try to honor him in everything I do and he does the same for me. Over time we have built a beautiful life together.

The reason I know he is my soul mate has nothing to do with a dramatic “Hollywood” moment of connection. It has to do with growing together and learning from each other and allowing each other to be truly ourselves without judgement.

We are not the same person but we face the world as one.

I’d marry him all over again.

So are there soul mates? I’d say yes but you’ve gotta allow for unexpected possibilities and you’ve gotta work at it!