Here I sit with swollen eyes and tear stained checks, looking at a blank page, unsure of how to structure my thoughts. I feel overwhelmed and insecure by the uncertainty of life today. I am finding it hard to appreciate the small moments that make up a day.
Today, feels like a tidal wave of sorrow. Today feels empty of purpose. My mind is a jumble of disorganized worry. I don’t know how to make letters into words that make any sense and I’m not really sure it would matter even if I did.
So, today I cry. I feel a deep sadness that life can be as cruel as it can be kind. Instead of feeling freedom because of my powerlessness, I feel frustration. I don’t like that life teases us in the meanest of ways, that our faith is tested, that once and awhile we may actually be given more than we can handle or that we are made to feel this way.
Empty is how I feel today. Lost is what I am today. Uncertain is my path. Uncertain is always my path, but today I am disquieted by that reality. I am unsettled in the knowledge that life does with us what it wants. We have no real sway over its authority.
I ache today. I am sorrowful today. My heart is wounded. My heart is heavy.
This is grief. This is part of life.
This too shall pass.