Sometimes it is hard to decide what part of my disease I hate the most.
Is it the constant shortness of breath as I quietly gasp for air?
Maybe it is the persistent tightness in my chest from swollen lymph nodes and scarred lungs.
Sometimes I think it is the steady burning pain from the permanent nerve damage of a nearly 3 year old lung surgery.
Or could it be the never ending heavy weighted fatigue of every muscle and every bone and every fiber of my being?
Joint and bone pain are certainly no fun.
The continuously itchy skin that keeps me awake at night is not what I would call a good time. Nor are the lesions I get on my legs and arms from this disease.
Oh, and how could I forget fevers…weird unexplainable random fevers that make me feel like I was run over by a truck from my whacked out immune system?
Let me also include the side effects of my all my medications to treat this lovely disease…sour stomach pains, loss of appetite, food that tastes like metal and MORE fatigue!
I just can’t decide.
I have so many choices.
I suppose choosing what I hate most about my disease depends on the day as it seems the symptoms take turns pushing and shoving trying to upstage each other.
But maybe it doesn’t matter. In fact it doesn’t. I know it doesn’t.
What I do know is all of these symptoms, pains, aches, and side effects make me feel like a very very very old 44 year old woman sometimes. That’s actually what I hate!
There I figured it out! That’s what I hate…feeling old…older than I should I mean.
Thanks for reading this and helping me figure out what I hate most about my disease.
It is robbing me of my youth, darn it! Or what’s left of my youth…my middle age anyway.
Now…what to do about it?
No worries…I’ll figure something out!