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Nearly two years ago, I quit an incredibly difficult stressful job not because my doctor told me to but because I knew it was slowly killing me. I was fading away at home, no longer able to keep up with friends or family. And while I was still doing better than most in my career, I felt my skills were slipping. I do tend to have ridiculously high expectations of myself. And physically I was in very bad shape. My life felt like swiss cheese; full of holes I no longer had the energy to try and fill. I was a sinking ship.

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The problem is that I loved my work. And while I’ll admit that particular job wasn’t my favorite, it did challenge me. No two days were the same. It was a job for a problem solver. I keep calling it a job but really it was a career. Something I worked hard to achieve and something I was proud to do for a living. And I believe I could have climbed higher, achieved more if I’d had the stamina. But like a thief in the night who sneaks in your house silently taking your most prized valuables, sarcoidoisis stole my energy, my physical strength and my mental endurance.

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But with the time off, I’ve been able to recover some of my lost vigor, some of that spark I once took for granted. And this leads me to thinking that perhaps, I could, under the right circumstances, find a way back into the work force. And to better yet, make myself a useful member of society again! Get back on the ship, so to speak.

The question is, if I do this, will I be able to keep the ship righted or will I sink it once again? And I suppose the answer lies with the situations presented to me for work and the desire to make the attempt. I mean, how will I know, if I don’t try.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed this time off. I’ve needed this time off and we are in a situation where I’ve been blessed to take it. But I miss working for all kinds of reasons. I miss the mental stimulus. I miss being around interesting people all day. I miss solving problems that end up bettering people’s lives. I miss doing my part to bring in some income.

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So, what to do next is the question of the hour for me. And I really have no idea. Some times this is a frightening question because it is so wide open and so unknown but mostly it’s exciting. I mean, I get to start over…if I want to. I can do anything I want. It’s interesting to think about it. It’s interesting to wonder what the future holds. It’s hopeful. I am hopeful that I can find meaningful work and still not over tax myself. I am hopeful the right thing will come my way because I am open to it.

I think being open and asking “What’s next?” keeps me moving forward in a way that keeps me optimistic. And optimism is a must when you’re living in a body that doesn’t always cooperate with the mind!

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So I’ll just consider this recent question part of the journey…part of the adventure…knowing I don’t need answers yet but only need to be open and answers will come. And I can have confidence that the right answers will find me at the right time no matter what they might be!

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